Quick hit -- that's a lot of money

Yeah, this time the radio silence has been for a good reason -- the bar exam is less than two weeks away, and I am pretty much constantly studying. But I had to post about this, because Kaka to Chelsea for 80m pounds? That's 100m euros, and I don't even want to calculate how much that is in dollars. Leaving aside the question of if they need him, good lord, that's a huge number. Think he'd give me, like, a thousandth of it so I can pay off these student loans? It's not like he'd miss it. Thank god this transfer window finally got interesting -- I couldn't handle reading any more about Barry and Ronaldo.

Also, tomorrow I am going to my first regular-season MLS game ever -- FC Dallas v. Colorado. I'm going with my dad, and he keeps trying to call Dallas "F.C." for short. He tries, but. This is like how he used to call Arsenal "Armory."

Letters to managers

Welcome back, Mr. Mourinho. I hate to say it, but it's been kind of boring this season without you. I look forward to seeing you stylishly sulk on the touchline in Italy next year. Now maybe take Lampard and Drogba with you? Thanks.

Dear Sven: I think you might have actually deserved better than this. The McClaren years (year?) made you look good in retrospect, and really, City were never going to make the Champions League. So I don't think you sucked, but I guess this is the risk of having a crazy owner. Sorry.

Love (or something),
Amanda

Schadenfreude!

I have to say, I'm loving the Chelsea implosion. It's probably setting me up for all kinds of bad karma when Rafa leaves Liverpool (whenever that may be), but god, what a little bitch John Terry is.

Seriously.

Midway through the first half Rosenborg scored, after Miika Koppinen beat Terry at a set piece. When Mourinho then directly criticised the centre back's defending at half time, Terry refused to accept responsibility for the goal or even to respond to his manager. . . . The club subsequently asked Mourinho for his resignation, which he refused to tender, but ultimately settled on dismissal by 'mutual consent'. Later on Wednesday, Mourinho sent Terry a text message sarcastically thanking him for talking to the club's hierarchy.

Again, really.

Mourinho made a final trip to the training centre at Cobham to pick up his possessions and say goodbye to his squad. There was a message in each farewell. For most there was a Latin embrace and warm words of thanks. For Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard the emotions were so strong that both men were reduced to tears, Lampard retreating to the shower room in an attempt to hide his. For Shevchenko and Terry there was nothing but a handshake that, in the words of one observer, could have 'frozen a mug of tea'. No one was in any doubt about who he considered the true captains of his team.

McClaren better watch his back. Not that he doesn't deserve to be fired, but you know. You'd think your captain would be on your side, right?

LOL Chelsea

Goodbye, Mourinho. I guess this means Rafa wins? (And I'm pretty sure it means Chelsea's out of the title race this season.)

And if I didn't love the Guardian forever, this slideshow would seal the deal.

They can has away kits.

Chelsea's new away kit has been leaked.

See, all you Liverpool fans complaining about their new kit? It could be worse. It could have all those weird little squiggles, and be neon yellow. (Though it will be useful if Chelsea's team-bonding activity this season is deer hunting.) I guess this is the advantage to not being owned by Abramovich -- I doubt Hicks or Gillett care what colors Barcelona wear.

Of course, the disadvantage is that Chelsea steal all your transfer targets. Damn Alves.

In other news, You'll Never Blog Alone has been named Who Ate All the Pies' blog of the week. I'm incredibly flattered, so thanks!

Shameless schadenfreude corner

I'm not at all surprised that he owns a Yorkie.

I mean, if you're going to get arrested over a dog, shouldn't it at least be something bigger than a purse? That commentator who described him as the Paris Hilton of the Premiership probably didn't know how right he had it, what with the arrests and the ridiculous choice of pets and all.

Though at least Jose doesn't flash the paparazzi. Er, yet. Who knows what the future holds?

Today in BBC Sport

The actual article isn't that interesting, but I love the picture. Apparently Jose and Sheva have decided to settle things through a stubble contest. First to a full beard gets to stay at Stamford Bridge.

...Hell, I'd like to see it.

More bad idea theater

Dear English Premier League:

YouTube is the best advertisement for your sport in several decades. Leave it alone.

Sincerely,
an American fan too poor for Fox Soccer

I can almost get trying to shut down the streams; that's the entire game, in real time, and a much bigger violation. But highlights? There are entire shows, both here and in England, based around sports highlights. If you want people to talk about your sport and your league? They need to be able to see what happened. If you want to control access, at least set up a channel like Chelsea did. Otherwise, have fun trying to enforce a million C&Ds and throwing away whatever goodwill you have.

(Slightly) more coherent thoughts on Liverpool/Chelsea

Liverpool 1 - Chelsea 0 (Liverpool advance on penalties, 4-1).

Like I said, slightly more coherent thoughts. It still hasn't sunk in that they've somehow managed to get past Chelsea again. (Though, really, every time John Terry cries after playing us, a little baby angel gets his wings.)

That wasn't the most outstanding game I've ever seen; if I were a neutral, it may even have been boring (and hell, as a fan, it got boring toward the end of regulation and extra time, when everyone kinda figured out that it was going to penalties). The thing that made this a good game to me was the tension. While this was a friendly rivalry early on, it's been three seasons now, and I don't think there's any doubt that these teams just do not like each other at all. It made for a really physical game, especially early on as they both found their feet a bit. I think the ref did a good job not calling too much and letting things sort of even out -- and it's nice to see someone not get fooled by Drogba's drama.

Speaking of Mr. Drogba, how about Liverpool's defense? It got a little frenetic at times, but starting with Pepe, everyone did a great job of shutting down the Chelsea attack; to be fair, Chelsea may have been hindered a bit by Shevchenko's groin injury (read: fit of pissiness) keeping him out of the side. However, considering how ineffective he's been recently, I think the bigger factor was that the defense figured out how to deal with Drogba better. Even before the goal I was glad to see that Rafa left Agger in the starting XI. He didn't have a good game last week (as I think everyone will admit), but keeping him in here seems to have boosted his confidence, and Carragher was once again a total fucking stud.

It's cleverly worded analysis like that that keeps y'all coming back, right?

Moving up the field, I was worried (and screeched again) when they started Zenden in midfield, but he had a decent game, and the first penalty was vital. So, well done. I still don't care for him, but well done. Mascherano had another solid game, and he and Steven combined to completely and totally shut down Lampard early on -- like, to the point where I didn't even remember that he was on the pitch. Not that I doubted the superiority of our midfield, but that was awesome. Lampard managed to get back into it later in the game, after Steven moved out right, but still. Deflected kicks and all, he can be a threat, but one that was neutralized effectively. (Also, Robben who?)

The attack wasn't as effective as I would have hoped. Kuyt had a couple of good chances and one very dubious offside call, but Crouch didn't do a whole lot and when Bellamy came on, he did even less. Whoever we meet in the final, we really need to work on the attack. I love Agger, but he's not a high-scoring defender, and a goal from open play would be nice, too.

So, there's definitely things to improve on -- I screeched more than I would've liked to, but we were never going to come out and run over Chelsea. Overall, though this wasn't the prettiest game I've ever seen, our penalty luck continues, and I will see all of you in Athens! (Where we hopefully won't need penalties.)

YNWA times 100

GET IN YOU REDS.

More coherence later tonight, probably. But right now all I can do is flail. I love you, boys.

CL Semis, Leg One

For once, I got to watch both of these live. And also for once, they were both decent games. In really different ways, obviously, but both worth taking a few hours away from studying to watch.

Man U 3 - Milan 2. By now, shouldn't Milan have figured out that they can't really take their foot off the gas in Europe? I hate to be the fan that's always bringing up the 2005 final, but here I am. Milan were really hurt by Gattuso's having to come off early in the second half due to injury -- and speaking of that, I think the Man U fans were booing because they thought he was faking it. If they know anything about Gattuso, they should have known that he's probably #1 on the list of Italians least likely to dive or fake it. But I guess not. Stay classy, kids. I also think taking Maldini off at the half was a bad decision; I know you have to be wary of his health, since he's, what, 400 now? But Milan looked so much weaker at the back when he left, so unless he was just unable to continue, I would have kept him in longer. Even though they lost this leg, I think Milan have the advantage going into the return this Wednesday. They just need a 1-0 to advance (or failing that, they just can't allow more than two goals). I know they've struggled some at home this season, but you'd think that their fans would come out for this one.

Chelsea 1 - Liverpool 0. This was also a decent game, though incredibly frustrating. All I really wanted from this was an away goal as a little bit of insurance going into the second leg, but no such luck. Cech's getting back to his pre-injury form incredibly fast, and Joe Cole picked just about the most annoying time to come back into the side. Liverpool couldn't really get anything together, maybe because of Rafa's confusing team selection -- I've started screeching unattractively every time Zenden's named as a starter, and I have yet to be proven wrong. Honestly, I don't have a good feeling about the return leg here; as much as I'd like to think the Anfield crowd will make a big difference, I think we've had too many games like this for Chelsea to be surprised or intimidated by the atmosphere anymore. (Seriously, playing each other 14 times in three seasons? It's ridiculous.) They may surprise me, and I hope they do, but right now, I'm not seeing it. Maybe playing the B-team (and Xabi) at the weekend will help, but I don't know. I'm having a hard time seeing this as anything but Chelsea making it through.

Speaking of that weekend game, it's time for Dudek to go. You can either complain about not getting starts anymore, or you can play like that when you do start. You can't do both. I realize it sucks to be effectively dropped after winning the Champions League, but that's the game.

In completely unrelated news, Arsenal Ladies are on course for a quadruple. While this sort of thing irritates me on the men's side, I'm just glad the women are having this kind of success, because they're adorable. If that makes me a hypocrite, so be it.

Hi to Being Sven! I always enjoy good Liverpool bloggers, especially ones who can cut it in the demanding Deadspin commentariat.

Draws, celery, and girl-on-girl action.

Sorry, everyone. It's hard to pay much attention to this blog when Liverpool haven't played in a week and a half. Stupid FA Cup (and yes, that is my bitterness talking). I'm still planning to talk about the remaining Champions League round of 16 matches, but not right now. Instead, a couple of articles I've been meaning to talk about, while I watch my NCAA tournament bracket collapse even further. (Also, if I never hear about Hansbrough's facemask again, it will be too soon.)

• Getting rid of draws = bad idea. However, I don't know why the Guardian felt the need to throw in this little nugget:
  

  Just because the Americans can't get their heads round a non-result doesn't mean the rest of the world should fall in line. We should be proud of our superior tradition, just as we in Europe are proud of our wine, our cheese and our beer. Ever tasted any American cheese?

  I mean, I'm with him as far as the cheese and beer. But I know a lot of American soccer fans, and honestly? I think we've got more of a problem with diving than with draws. So maybe you want to work on that first, guys. The article doesn't talk about Americans besides that, and it doesn't seem like the no-draws idea in the League came from an American. In fact, Mr. Wilson, MLS has draws, and we seem to be just fine with that (to the extent we watch MLS). So in conclusion? Whatever.
  


• Chelsea sets up "celery hotline." Because Chelsea fans like to throw celery at the opposing team, it seems. I know this is a problem and all, but . . . it's celery. No matter what club you're talking about, this sentence will always be hilarious:

  The statement went on to direct fans to a hotline they could call to report others seen carrying celery, promising that "all calls will be treated in confidence".

  Just. It's celery. Rogue fans carrying celery into stadia is, I believe, inherently funny.
  


• And finally tonight, I think I prefer the England women's team to the men. I'd totally forgotten that it's a Women's World Cup year, probably because as little as they cover soccer over here, they cover women's soccer even less. I don't think I realized how ghettoized the sport is in Europe, though, till I read this article. You never hear about male footballers having to work another job to pay their bills, but even the women playing at the highest level have to have a day job. I can't imagine -- I can barely handle school on its own. This is what sealed my liking for them, though:

  Aluko, Asante and the 18-year-old Arsenal striker Lianne Sanderson sit watching a replay of a men's game, Arsenal v Manchester United, on TV. Hot topics for debate include Arsene Wenger's passing game; who they would rather go out with, Ronaldo or Wayne Rooney; and whether either of them is gay.

  I swear I've had that exact conversation. Several times.

At least now we know a little Portugese.

Mourinho calls ref "son of a whore," escapes FA punishment.

"If you listen to me speaking I say the kind of word you mention 10 times in every 15 words," [Mourinho] said. "If you have a microphone on the dugout, I say that during the game 20 times, easy. The word can be abusive if you understand it as an abusive word."

Um, I think most people would consider that abusive, sunshine. The insult isn't the funny part of this, really, just his insistence that it wasn't supposed to be offensive. Seems like there should be more of a difference in how you talk to your players and how you talk to the refs. But I guess that's why I'm not the Special One.

That just happened.

So, looking at Tuesday's Champions League games, wow, I have never been so happy to be wrong. I got exactly one of those matches right. (In my defense, I only picked Lyon because I liked their uniforms better.) I only got to see the Liverpool match, but that's not going to stop me from discussing all of them.

First, Roma/Lyon. I'm still amazed that Roma's no-strikers formation is working (if only Liverpool could pull that off). Also, didn't Lyon bring Houllier in to win the Champions League? Oops. I'm actually kind of happy to see Roma advance; while Serie A is a bit of a clusterfuck this season, Roma were consistently solid last season and are one of the few big clubs in Italy to have avoided the match-fixing scandal. I'm not a huge Totti fan, but it'll be interesting to see how Roma does in the quarters, since they haven't been in the Champions League for a few seasons now. (Also, how badly do Lyon have to perform in Europe before Tommy Smyth will stop calling them a dark horse team? Maybe two seasons ago, but not now, sunshine.)

And then there's Inter/Valencia. That link goes to video of the post-match fight, which seems to have been the only interesting thing about this one. A 0-0 draw, Valencia advance on away goals, and since I don't like Inter, I'm fine with it.

Before I start talking about Chelsea/Porto, I'd just like to say this: OH MY GOD MOURINHO GET OVER IT. Garcia's goal was over the line; but even if it weren't, what do you want them to do about it now? (And let's not forget Gudjohnsen' s miss in front of an open goal before we talk about why you didn't advance.) God, I really can't stand him. Anyway. This is the only tie I called correctly, but I didn't think Chelsea would make such a hard time of it. As useless as Ballack and Shevchenko have been in the Premiership this season, it's a little bit surprising to see them be actually worthwhile in this match, combining for the crucial second goal. I'm still not convinced Chelsea actually needed Ballack in the first place, but I guess if you're Abramovich, one goal in a knockout match is worth 120,000 pounds a week or whatever ridiculous amount they're paying him.

And last, Liverpool beat Barcelona on away goals. As you may have heard. I have to say, this game gave me a heart attack, just about. Especially in games like this, and especially after the Man U game Saturday (do not speak to me of John O'Shea), I'm never happy when we've got an advantage to defend. Honestly, with that Gudjohnsen goal, I thought it was all over. Considering we'd had our customary no-goals-to-15-shots, yeah. The last fifteen minutes of this match were the most tense I've been watching Liverpool since stoppage time in the Chelsea semifinal. I think we were the better team for the majority of the game -- even with Eto'o back for Barca, they were never really able to get him into the game. I forgot Messi was even on the field, so thoroughly did Arbeloa shut him down, and Ronaldinho doesn't look like even half the player he has been in the past. The BBC has all the details, up to and including possession statistics.

So, we did it. I still really can't believe it, but I'm happy. I hesitate to predict any further, because the team has been so incredibly inconsistent this season (or really, for the past couple seasons), but you know. This is good. Anything that gives Steven more opportunities to stick things down his shorts is very good indeed.

Coming up, post-mortem on Wednesday's matches, and at some point I may attempt to work through my PTSD after the Man U game. Who needs the Premiership anyway?

Today in piracy

In preparation for Wednesday's game against Porto, Andriy Shevchenko would like to remind you that while he may not be able to score, he can certainly swash the hell out of your buckle. And he will, too.

Champions League round of 16

Oh, Champions League, I have missed you. Really, it's been far too long since Liverpool got ignominiously knocked out of a cup competition. And with Barcelona coming up on Wednesday, I can't really see this going any other way, honestly. I know Barca have had some dressing room turmoil recently, but nothing on the level of attacking your teammate with a golf club, I don't think. Seriously, boys? Now is not the time. (Not that there's ever really a time to attack your teammate with a golf club, I suppose.) I'd like to discount this, but the club's not denying it, so I'm inclined to think it's true. Which, what the hell? I can think of very few things worth attempting to break a person's legs, and "refusal to perform karaoke" sure as hell isn't on the list.

Anyway. The Champions League returns this week with the round of 16, and for some reason, I feel the need to predict the winners. Mostly because it's distracting me from my ridiculous amounts of reading. So, without further ado:

Tuesday's games

• Celtic-Milan: Say whatever you want about Milan having a bad year (and it's probably true). Celtic can't win away in Europe, and they've had some trouble scoring at home against quality opposition. UEFA.com is saying Inzaghi is out for Milan, but I don't see that making much of a difference, honestly. Celtic's been lucky to get this far, and I think this is where their lack of experience will show. Milan.


• PSV-Arsenal: This one's hard to call for me. PSV aren't anywhere as solid as they've been in the past; Liverpool drew them away and beat them pretty handily at home, and I think in the past they would have struggled there. PSV have been struggling a bit since Hiddink left, but my god, Arsenal have been incredibly inconsistent all season, and unable to score when they really need to. That CSKA game comes to mind, as does the FA Cup match against Rovers this weekend. I think they'll be able to pull it out, though, especially since they actually care about this competition. Arsenal.


• Lille-Manchester United: Man, I never want to hear Man U fans complain about a difficult draw again. Lille are improving, but Man U is worlds better than they were when they finished fourth in their group last year. As much as I'd like to call this as an upset, I just can't. Man U.


• Real Madrid-Bayern Munich: Hm, this is two traditional powerhouses, both in all kinds of trouble this season. Well, where all kinds of trouble is defined as still being in the top four in their domestic leagues. But they're both having managerial issues, with Capello not being the cure-all Real had hoped, and Munich firing their manager. Considering Bayern topped a more difficult group, and Real got swept by Lyon, I'm going with Bayern.

Wednesday's games

• Roma-Lyon: Um, two teams from leagues I don't really follow. Lyon have been good in the Champions League the past few years, but they've struggled in their domestic league recently (though they're still about 500 points clear of everyone else). This is Roma's first trip to the Round of 16 in a few years, but they've been a lot stronger domestically in the past few weeks than Lyon have. I have no idea how to call this one, so I'm going with who has the better uniforms. Since there's no brown in theirs, that means Lyon.


• Barcelona-Liverpool: Liverpool's coming off a disappointing loss to Newcastle, an extremely distant third in the Premiership, and they're apparently choosing to spend training beating each other up over karaoke. Barcelona are having a little bit of difficulty over Eto'o's return and Ronaldinho's morale, but most of that seems to be resolved now. Oh, and also they're top of La Liga and looking to defend their double. As much as I'd love to believe Liverpool will win this, I just can't. Sorry, boys. Barca.


• Porto-Chelsea: Meh. This is another one I'd like to call as an upset, but as great as that would be, I don't think it'll happen. Porto way overpeformed when they won in 2004, and their squad has been really weakened since then. Oh, and also, Mourinho's now at Chelsea, as y'all may have heard. Chelsea's having an off-season for them, and their two big buys haven't really paid off. But you don't really need Shevchenko to be firing on all cylinders when Drogba's scoring enough for two strikers, which he has been recently. This is an easy call, as much as I hate it. Chelsea.


• Inter-Valencia: Inter's running all over (a weakened) Serie A. Valencia's struggling in La Liga. Inter's got a gigantic squad, with a lot of quality acquired by picking over Juve's team. Valencia has some good players, but they're in a bit of difficulty recently, too. While this could be tough, I'm saying Inter.

You may notice that I didn't mention the FA Cup. This is because I am pretending it doesn't exist. Unless Reading manage to beat Man U, in which case I will be cheering for them all the way.

Oh, boys.

Dear Liverpool:

All is forgiven. I realize that was an under-strength Chelsea side, but I don't really care. Y'all did a good job exploiting their defensive weakness early on. The second half was a little more dicey, but for some reason, they never seriously looked like scoring. (I mean, really, did anyone see Sheva after he came on? Anyone?)

Of course, Chelsea trying stuff like this doesn't hurt any, either:


So, that's two solid wins in a row, one against the reigning champions. Get a solid hold on third -- or hell, you're just five points back, challenge for second -- and focus on getting a gameplan together for Barcelona. This is a good turnaround, so build on that and maybe this can be a successful season.

Yours,
YNBA

P.S. Xabi Alonso? Awesome. Don't let anyone ever tell you foreign players aren't committed enough.

The new Real Madrid, the old one and also some Liverpool.

Chelsea = the new Real? Well, a girl can hope. But the parallels are there -- tension and arguments between the board and the manager, a lack of control over transfers and signings, and an underperforming team. If Mourinho goes, which is looking increasingly likely, it's easy to see Chelsea getting into the same self-destructive pattern that Real's been in for two or three seasons now. Managerial merry-go-round, signings made on the basis of their marketing potential instead of their talent (I'd even argue that this part's already happening, with Shevchenko and Ballack both aging and having poor seasons) -- before you know it, you haven't won anything for three or four seasons. I'd say that I hope that doesn't happen, but we all know that'd be a lie.

No final game for Beckham. Speaking of Real. I can kinda understand them not wanting to play him much -- they haven't been playing him much anyway, and now he's committed to another team. But it's not like that's an unusual situation, really, and refusing to give him even a final game just seems petty, especially after Real practically forced him out. I can't help wondering if this is because Beckham decided to go to the Galaxy, as opposed to Milan or some other European team. Like, "he's chasing the money, screw him" or something. Or maybe Real would be that childish no matter what. I'm not saying play him in the Champions League final or anything, but come on. The Real fans liked him; would one more game, against Sociedad or someone, kill y'all? I'm not sure when I became a Beckham defender, but seriously. Real need to grow up.

Oh, and this is a Liverpool blog after all, I guess -- Liverpool 3 - Watford 0. I didn't get up to watch this one (dude, I'm still mad about that Carling Cup match), so I don't really have a lot to say about it. It's good to see Liverpool getting back to winning; another away win is always good, even if it's against a relegation-threatened team like Watford. Thank god they weren't playing a more challenging team, because losing three in a row would have been a pretty big hit on any team's confidence. If they can get a solid handle on third or fourth, I'll be happy.

Carra scores?

Oh, Jamie Carragher. The last time you scored, I was in high school. This is kinda like seeing a UFO, but infinitely more fun. Also, while that goal celebration isn't the most creative I've ever seen, I do love how the entire team gets involved in it. I guess you have to figure that's probably a once-in-a-career chance.



So, yeah, 4-0. I'd have liked to see some better play in the first half, but it feels silly to complain about a result like that. Our defense seems to have mostly sorted itself out, though I'd like to see it against a team that creates more than Fulham did. Still, we're finally in the Champions League spots, so I'll quit complaining for a while.

Unlike both Arsenal and Chelsea, after their draw (see what I did with that segue?). If you want serious analysis of this game, I suggest going elsewhere, because honestly I don't much care for either of the team. However, the petty little dramas that emerge from all these games? Hilarious. Nothing can top the Christmas card debacle of last season, but we have Ashley Cole attempting to make nice with Cesc Fabregas and Jens Lehmann complaining that Frank Lampard said mean things to him. Seriously? Cole said some pretty nasty things about Fabregas, so I can understand not wanting to pretend like everything's okay. But insulting each other seems to be part of the game; not that it should be, necessarily, but it is. Lehmann might be justified in his complaints, but I don't really think anyone's going to take him seriously. Unless he starts headbutting people when they offend him. Which I would support, purely for the comedic value.

And finally today, West Ham fired Alan Pardew. This makes me sadder than it probably should, but I always kinda liked Pardew. He seems like a good guy, and it's a little unfair to tell him his job's safe and then fire him a week later, I think. I wonder what would have happened if he'd not bought Tevez and Mascherano back in August -- that seems to have been the tipping point. Anyway, I liked him, and here's hoping he'll make it back to the Premiership soon.

A return to the shallow end

Or the sleazy end, as it may be. I've been in the depths of finals and papers since before Thanksgiving, which is my not-that-great excuse for radio silence. Since I've been gone:

• Liverpool topped their Champions League with a game to spare. Thank god, since they proceeded to lose to Galatasaray in the last game, despite Fowler's double. At least they're through now, though I'll miss not hearing the Champions League theme song until February.


• First away win of the season, baby. I still think the yellow kits are cursed somehow -- note that they were wearing red this time. I'm a bit amazed that they're fifth in the league, but if they keep playing like this, maybe fourth will happen. (On another note, when the commentators are openly acknowledging that you have to play in central midfield or else you'll pout? You are not being a good captain, but just another mediocre diva. Time to step up, Steven.)


• Liverpool got maybe, possibly, hypothetically bought by Dubai. Xabi Alonso is skeptical, and I am too, a little. More on this later, when and if the deal goes through.


• Shevchenko is leaving Chelsea. Or maybe not. They don't really need him now Drogba's figured out how to stay on his feet, and Milan never found an effective replacement. Also, Sheva looks like he hasn't slept a night since he left Milan. Homesickness? Or is he a vampire? It's unclear.
  

All good stories, and all worth talking about. However, the topic of discussion today? Sex tapes. Specifically, this. DEAR FOOTBALLERS: STOP MAKING SEX TAPES. They will get out, you will be embarrassed, and if you're at Sunderland, Roy Keane will probably give you a hairdryer treatment so extensive even Sir Alex would be impressed. It's only a matter of time before that video shows up on Youtube or some blog, and yeah. The chants will be legendary, I feel. Especially for the guy "performing a sexual act" while still wearing his sweater. I just . . . what? I don't have anything else to say that hasn't been said better by the Fiver. Except. DEAR FOOTBALLERS. STOP MAKING SEX TAPES. Or you'll still be talking about it five years later, and making this humble blogger vaguely ill. Yeah, I definitely meant the sleazy end of the pool, and that's without even linking the Stefan Postma video. Sorry.