In non-international news

*pours one out for Alonso and Riise*

Okay, it's probably Riise's time to go. But Alonso? I'm actually sad about that. Mascherano's awesome and all, but I think you want some cover at that position, especially since Mascherano tends to get cards pretty regularly. But I'd say starting at Juventus is probably better than bench-warming at Liverpool, especially if you're still young, so. It makes a lot of sense, but I don't have to like it.

In other news, you should all read this article about DC United's Santino Quaranta. Absolutely amazing.

Oh my god.

Dear Mssrs. Hicks, Gillett, Parry, and Benitez:

Shut up. All of you. This has been going on for far too long, and really. You couldn't stop attacking each other in public for a day? Not even this week? Gross. I don't care who's right anymore, I just want you all to stop talking and go away. Maybe go on vacation together. I bet y'all could work something out then. And if not, at least the pictures would be amusing.

No love,
Amanda

Quick hits

• This is the greatest post ever. Kickette and Go Fug Yourself combine for commentary on WAGs. Brilliant and hilarious.


• An interview with Galaxy defender Julian Valentin. I liked him at the u20 World Cup this summer, and even though he went to the wrong ACC school, I've got to respect anyone who takes a boot to the face, gets stitches, and then gets upset that he can't return to finish out the game. And he seems like a good guy, too.


• And the reason I don't do game previews? Oh You Beauty does them so much better.

Dashed expectations news

So, a combination of Wednesday afternoon classes and being too poor to afford FSC means that the only game I've managed to watch live this week? Chicago Fire - New England Revolution. And I don't even like either of those teams, and the ESPN2 broadcasts aren't the same without Eric Wynalda doing his drunk-uncle routine, but you know, sometimes you go with what's there. It did make me realize that since I don't like Chad Barrett, Justin Mapp, or Can't-Spell-It Blanco, I should probably go all the way and just admit that I don't like the Fire. (This is also how I came to discover I didn't like Inter -- I tried, but I realized I couldn't stand most of the players, so I had to call it.)

I have managed to see highlights of the Champions League games, though, and I think Liverpool are going to be the ones advancing to the semis. If we've learned anything since 2005, it's that Rafa has turned Liverpool into a team that's excellent at getting a 1-0 at home and clinging on for dear life. Since they could advance with a 0-0 at Anfield, I don't expect that game next week to be one for the ages, but honestly, after the rest of the season, I don't care so much about aesthetics as results. (This is why I'm not an Arsenal fan.) It's pretty sad, but if they can finish fourth and get to at least the semis in the Champions League, I think I'll be satisfied with that. And no, I'm not looking forward to another freaking Chelsea-Liverpool semi, but maybe Fenerbahce will take care of that for me.

In other news, I scored three at my rec team's practice the other day. I guess you could say, like John Terry or Ashley Cole, I score a lot for a defender. Except that I don't do it with underage girls. Or throw up after.

Still alive.

What she said.

I'm sorry for the silence over here, but with how Liverpool's playing and all the behind-the-scenes drama has been too depressing to write about. I fully expect whatever bizarre and fully-rotated squad Rafa puts out to lose to Havant & Waterlooville. Because that'd really be this season in a nutshell, wouldn't it?

So on a lighter note, pictures of the Liverpool costume Christmas party. My favorite is Fernando Torres as ... Fernando Torres.

This blog is 50% effective

I'm pretty sure he's talking about Liverpool for the stats-obsessed "big team." And yeah. What he said. I don't know a whole lot about baseball (except drinking in the stands is fun), but it seems like positions are a lot more defined there than they are in soccer -- you have strikers making saves and defenders taking shots pretty much all the time in soccer, and I don't think you have shortstops playing right field in baseball. So I'm doubtful about how much the stats really say about a game; doesn't everyone know by now that possession statistics are meaningless? And the team with more shots doesn't always win (As Nate pointed out). So. I'm skeptical. Especially if stats mean Liverpool doesn't start Torres every game. Because, honestly.

Final-in-three-hours news

Liverpool's game against Besiktas may have been fixed. (Though not by Liverpool, it seems.)

Um, wow. I mean, odds are that whatever investigation is done won't be finished before the Champions League ends this season -- assuming Liverpool can make it to the knockout stages anyway. ("Odds are" was probably a bad choice of words there, huh?) I know this is all pretty idle speculation at this point, but ... wow.

I do have to wonder, though, how you fix an 8-0. Like, that's not just one win, that's enough goals for several wins. Wouldn't fixing a 3-0 or something be easier? You'd avoid the costs of kneecapping your defenders, anyway.

Derby > Besiktas?

Darn right, kids. I just hope they didn't use up all their goals in this match. They'll need at least one or two more for Porto and Marseille.

All right, Liverpool

It's time to get your act together, kids. Well, really, the time to have gotten your act together in the Champions League was a couple of months ago. Being bottom of a group with Besiktas, Marseille, and Porto is an absolute embarrassment. As is the fact that Liverpool have yet to win a game against any of those teams. I don't think Liverpool are going to win anything this season -- especially considering they can't seem to win in the league -- but going out in the group stage of the Champions League is completely humiliating. Particularly when you can't even make it into the UEFA Cup. Just ask Manchester United a couple of seasons ago. I don't really understand how Liverpool are playing so badly right now; I know they're dealing with a lot of injuries, but were Alonso and Agger so essential that they can't put anything together until they return? Right now, the midfield distribution is horrendous. Sissoko can't manage to even pass successfully, we don't have a single fast defender, and I'm starting to screech every time I see Kuyt picked over Crouch. Right now, I don't care how pretty they play, I just want a win. And all our injured players back. And a pony.

In MLS playoff news, all of the teams I wanted to make it to the final (DC, Chivas, Dallas) are out. Now I'm going to have to cheer for Houston or Kansas City, I think, because I refuse to cheer on a team with Cuauhtemoc Blanco. Ugh, he's such a whiny little bitch. Hate. I don't love the MLS playoff format -- if you're going to do home-and-away, you need to have away goals -- but I don't really know enough about the league to say what would make it better. Though I did just look here, and seriously, the semifinals are just one game? Well, that's crap. Anyway.

In non-playoff MLS news, Alexi Lalas wants a 'sexy type of candidate' to manage the Galaxy. I'm not sure what that means, but if he thinks he's getting Mourinho, he's fooling himself. Player/manager David Beckham. That's all I'm saying.

Can't-think-of-a-title news

WAGs are inspirational and good role models. As far as I can tell (and I don't really understand the British educational system), getting GCSEs is basically the minimum level you have to do to finish school, right? So this is like calling people good role models for graduating high school. Which is, I guess, better than not finishing high school, but really, is that all we expect of women?

Oh, Liverpool. Y'all better put something together today, or it's pretty much over. I was glad to see that Alonso was traveling to Istanbul, but who knows if he'll start. I hope he does -- Sissoko's had an awful season, and wasn't ever really a playmaker to begin with. Alonso can be inconsistent, but he's still a lot better than the nothing they have there now. And I don't want to be the one to do it, but someone should tell Steven Gerrard that he needs to be playing on the right instead of in the center. Maybe Rafa's goatee can break that news.

I promise this isn't becoming an MLS blog

But I am going to DC next month for the MLS Cup, so I have been paying a little more attention to the playoffs than I normally would be (i.e. more than zero). I'd like it to be a DC/Chivas final, but since they have the best regular-season records, it probably won't happen. Anyway. So I was reading about the Columbus/DC game, and came across this quote:

Both goals came from the 20-year-old Rogers, who was an influential player on the U.S. under-20 national team at this past summer's FIFA U-20 World Cup. . . . "He's a good player," said Schmid. "He had a good under-20 World Cup and sort of fell in a hole when he came back. But he got out of there in time and if you look what he's done the last two weeks, he's showing that he can be a player that has very, very bright future."

And maybe that's just an American phrase (like PKs or "in the cage"), but he "fell in a hole"? Really? Taken literally, that's pretty great. If a little disturbing -- he fell in a hole in the summer and is only out now? No one thought to look for him?

Thoughts on Liverpool/Everton -- Basically, ugh. I mean, an away win is always nice, and away at Everton is better, especially considering how they lost this one 3-0 last time. But the midfield's still a mess without Alonso, and without a couple of sketchy calls, it would have been a draw at best. The injuries aren't really their fault, but man, the sooner Agger and Alonso get back (to say nothing of Torres), the better. It's a little bit embarrassing to be behind Man City, you know?

Not dead yet.

Honestly, if England did this, they might get me to care about them again.

Um, yeah, I'm still alive. Sad to say, I don't have anything stunning to report. Liverpool don't seem to be into it this season, which makes it hard for me to care that much. I'll get excited for the Everton game this weekend, but they drew at Birmingham and lost to Marseille, and ugh. The only change I'm seeing this season is that we have a more expensive striker that Rafa's refusing to play consistently, and we've switched from a slow start to the season to a slow October. It's still not great for our title hopes. I do think they should be able to beat Everton, but the sooner Agger and Alonso come back, the better. As my rec-league team can tell you, you need some sort of connection between the defense and the attack, and Steven Gerrard flailing around just isn't enough.

And yeah, I have to admit it. I've lost the England love. I may come back around by Euro 2008, but they've got to start playing better (3-0 against Estonia doesn't count, sorry). They keep making the same mistakes and McClaren's afraid to drop big names, and it's kind of like Sven never left. Which isn't surprising, but it's depressing nonetheless. (And seriously, the US team is just so cute. I don't think England chicken-fights, and more's the pity.)

Friday linkpost

• Liverpool/Chelsea this weekend. While this almost always means a lackluster game, it always means managerial sniping. Which was fun a few years ago, but guys, seriously. Just kiss already. You know you want to. That said, though, "Abramovich has done a really good job"? BURN.


• England squad named for Germany friendly. Calling up injured players because you don't want to try new things? It's like 2006 all over again! And seriously, did Scott Parker run over someone's puppy?


• Speaking of stories we've been seeing for years, Michael Owen is almost fit again. Until he actually plays a game, that is. He used to be one of my favorites, but man. It's been a long time.


• David Beckham scored, and no one was there. Except 17,000 for a midweek game, especially a non-league one, isn't that bad. Especially when no one thought he was going to play, let alone start, let alone score. Ooops. I know the backlash has begun in earnest, but is anyone pretending that most fans 1) know or 2) care what the Superliga is? Because, no.


• And finally today, another American goes to a doomed Premiership team. I like Benny Feilhaber -- yeah, that's not a secret -- but I still don't think Derby has a chance. Maybe he can commiserate with the three Americans at Fulham.

Friday linkpost

• Some guy named Beckham came on as a sub for the Galaxy last night. Apparently he's kind of a big deal? I watched this game, and it was ... a typical MLS game, really. Except for the part with the opposing fans taking pictures of the Galaxy subs warming up. And the Beckham-cam.


• The season starts tomorrow, and Xabi Alonso is happy with the squad. Right now, I am too, but another opening-day away draw and I may change my story.


• Another summer, another interminable Tevez transfer story. At least this one's finally over. And I'm also happy the deal didn't go through yesterday, so I could buy Tevez for my fantasy team (Your Mom FC) without breaking my "no United, Chelsea, or Everton players" rule. God love technicalities, and it seems fitting with this story, right?


• And finally, Football Weekly is back, and I couldn't be happier. My bizarre crush on Sean Ingle grows.

Pre-season preview

Once again, Sven asks the questions, I answer them. Including where I would get a Liverpool tattoo, for all you pervs reading.

And so there's actual content here, I'm not sure Rafa's goatee is the answer to all Liverpool's problems. I think it's mostly a fairly harmless midlife crisis.

Fight test

It's supposed to be a friendly, boys. Not a fight.

I shouldn't be this amused, but I am. I kinda love my dirty little team.

Friday linkpost

• Liverpool win their fourth preseason friendly. Interesting, though, that (I believe) Torres hasn't scored yet. Hopefully this is just him taking a little bit of time to warm up.


• Dudek's really going to Real. I have to say, I don't understand this deal at all. I know he was basically the Cup keeper last season, but he didn't really do well when he did get to play. Whatever; he's finally gone. He burned through his Istanbul credit really fast for me, and I think he should have probably gone in January 2006.


• Totti retires from international play. I don't know how much they'll miss him -- he's always been a better club player than international, but I do like him.


• And two stories I am sick of: Beckham not likely to play against Chelsea tomorrow, and no one knows who controls Carlos Tevez's contract. Ugh. I feel like we've been hearing about these since last year. Over it.


• And finally today, this is perhaps the most clueless marketing I've ever seen. Soccer is hard! Boys are cute! Um, which US team has won the World Cup again? (Thanks to Jen for the link.)

Friday linkpost

• Sid Lowe (in Spain) looks at Torres' move to Liverpool. I've pretty clearly missed the boat on commenting on this transfer, but I'll just say I'm refraining from judgment until the season starts, at least. It's nice to see us get a more traditional striker, and I've liked him internationally, so I'm optimistic.


• Speaking of transfers, Cisse's going to Marseille for good. It's about damn time, I say. I didn't like him when he was here, and I don't think we missed him when he was out on loan last season. Maybe he'll do better in France, but meh. Mostly I'm just glad we're clearing out some dead weight.


• And he's taking Zenden with him. Thank god. That's really all I've got on this one.


• Finally, my last word on the US at Copa America. I agree with a lot of this post, but honestly. The US's performance was pretty much a disaster. Not one they could have done a lot to prevent, but three-and-out shouldn't be something they're okay with.

Managerial wife swap!

(What can I say -- I'm sick to death of the "managerial merry-go-round" headlines. Let's change it up a bit.)

Uh. I don't dislike Coleman, but. What? I'm not sure this was the best decision for Sociedad.

And speaking of bad decisions... Not that I love Capello, but this is weird. And seems like an odd way to reward someone for winning the league. Not in the most stylish fashion, true, but can Real really afford to be so picky, considering it was their first trophy in three seasons? They think they can, I guess, and that's all that matters. Maybe we can get a switch going -- Capello to Chelsea, Jose to Barca, Rijkaard to, um. Somewhere else. That's where it all falls apart.


Liverpool? Still haven't bought anyone. Though I do like these Torres rumors. A lot, if we're being honest.

Friday linkpost

• Steven Wells defends American soccer. And in the Guardian, no less! I would like to co-sign everything he said. (And, really, isn't it long past time everyone got over the word "soccer"? I'm officially sick of that discussion.)


• The Stevens Report finally comes out. Wait, Bolton's dirty? I am shocked.


• Daniel Agger wins goal of the season for Liverpool. Apparently the fans are immune to shots from inside our own half now. Too bad for Xabi.


• Soccernet evaluates the US team as they head into the Gold Cup quarters. I didn't know Bradley had played everyone on the roster. It'll be interesting to see who gets to start tomorrow, with that in mind.


• And finally, Steven Gerrard, Gary Neville, and Michael Carrick all get married tomorrow. Not to each other. Though that would probably be more interesting. If they don't have thrones at the reception, I just can't quite bring myself to care too deeply.