01 June 2006

The first annual end-of-season awards

With the World Cup just over a week away, it's time to finally put the 2005-06 season to bed. Thus, Footie Girl and I present our first annual end-of-season awards. Forget Player of the Year, Golden Gloves, or anything like that. These are the really important awards. So, without further ado, let the awards begin!

Chav of the Year: Joe Cole. As if his website wasn't enough. No, England's best left midfielder gets himself beat up over a Page Three girl, losing his shoes in the process. If that's not the definition of chavness, I'm not sure what is. (The Sun's version of the story -- very NSFW.)

Runner-up: John Terry. Again, we go to the Sun. There is nothing about that story that doesn't scream chav. Especially the Lionel Richie. Well, that and the text messages. And, really, the whole thing.

Most Valuable Spaniard: Xabi Alonso. Come on, with the two of us? It was never going to be anyone else. But he's really been the spine of Liverpool's midfield this season; without him and Sissoko keeping that area under control, there's no way the "let Steven roam freely" strategy would have worked at all. He's just about the best passer in the league, too. Even though he's not a goalscorer, the ones he does score are pretty damn sweet.
Runner-up: Cesc Fabregas. The bargain of the year for Arsenal -- Barca are still kicking themselves over letting him go at 16. This year, Cesc was the best player in a lot of Arsenal's Champions League games, especially the games against Juve and Real. And the scary thing? He's only 19.

Underwear-Related Mishap of the Year: Steven Gerrard mooning his teammates. (Link mildly NSFW.) I don't think this requires a lot of explanation, really. Except sometimes? Steven is about five years old. (Really, though, the saddest thing about that story is how no one could make the shot.)
Runner-up: Steven borrowing Cisse's zebra-print underwear. From that article: Here at Liverpool it's Stevie G [Steven Gerrard] who teases me about my clothes. Sometimes I go to the showers, and when I come back he's wearing my clothes. I have funny underwear, like zebra print, so he puts on my underpants and walks around the dressing room. I can't really add anything to that. Except, God, I picked the weirdest team ever.

The "WTF, Steven?" Moment of the Season: Getting sent off against Everton. Like, really? Really, Steven? After twenty minutes? They were both such stupid cards, and coming right after one another, there was no way he wasn't going to get sent off. I mean, Steven's not normally a model of composure, but he's not usually a chicken with its head cut off, either.
Runner-up: It's got to be DJ Stevie G. Not quite as odd as Crouch's robot dance, but um. Not exactly normal, either.

Most Emo Player: Cristiano Ronaldo. This started way back in the Champions League, when he was all "Wah, Benfica's fans were mean to me!" (Never mind that he used to play for their rivals.) Then there was the training ground drama with Ruud van Nistelrooy. It must be very tiring to be Ronaldo; everything's a tragic opera, it seems. Also, all the whining and falling over.
Runner-up: Cesc Fabregas. He's not really emo, as far as I've seen -- a little complaining about the calls Arsenal got in the Champions League final, but that's all. However, his default setting seems to be really really pouty. That, coupled with his age, and how I'm reasonably sure he has a Myspace, is good enough to make him runner-up.

And here endeth a pretty awesome season for Liverpool. Third in the league, closing the gap of Chelsea, and winning the FA Cup? Yeah, I'll totally take that.


Executorazmin said...

Amazing amazing blog! Shame I only found it at the end of the season (yes, it's coz of Robo-Crouch!)

Mind if I link ya?


footie girl said...

It must be very tiring to be Ronaldo; everything's a tragic opera, it seems. Also, all the whining and falling over.

Heeeee. And yay! You are awesome for writing this all up.

ynba said...

Sure, feel free to link me! (Yay Liverpool!)

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