All right, Liverpool

It's time to get your act together, kids. Well, really, the time to have gotten your act together in the Champions League was a couple of months ago. Being bottom of a group with Besiktas, Marseille, and Porto is an absolute embarrassment. As is the fact that Liverpool have yet to win a game against any of those teams. I don't think Liverpool are going to win anything this season -- especially considering they can't seem to win in the league -- but going out in the group stage of the Champions League is completely humiliating. Particularly when you can't even make it into the UEFA Cup. Just ask Manchester United a couple of seasons ago. I don't really understand how Liverpool are playing so badly right now; I know they're dealing with a lot of injuries, but were Alonso and Agger so essential that they can't put anything together until they return? Right now, the midfield distribution is horrendous. Sissoko can't manage to even pass successfully, we don't have a single fast defender, and I'm starting to screech every time I see Kuyt picked over Crouch. Right now, I don't care how pretty they play, I just want a win. And all our injured players back. And a pony.

In MLS playoff news, all of the teams I wanted to make it to the final (DC, Chivas, Dallas) are out. Now I'm going to have to cheer for Houston or Kansas City, I think, because I refuse to cheer on a team with Cuauhtemoc Blanco. Ugh, he's such a whiny little bitch. Hate. I don't love the MLS playoff format -- if you're going to do home-and-away, you need to have away goals -- but I don't really know enough about the league to say what would make it better. Though I did just look here, and seriously, the semifinals are just one game? Well, that's crap. Anyway.

In non-playoff MLS news, Alexi Lalas wants a 'sexy type of candidate' to manage the Galaxy. I'm not sure what that means, but if he thinks he's getting Mourinho, he's fooling himself. Player/manager David Beckham. That's all I'm saying.