Shameless schadenfreude corner

I'm not at all surprised that he owns a Yorkie.

I mean, if you're going to get arrested over a dog, shouldn't it at least be something bigger than a purse? That commentator who described him as the Paris Hilton of the Premiership probably didn't know how right he had it, what with the arrests and the ridiculous choice of pets and all.

Though at least Jose doesn't flash the paparazzi. Er, yet. Who knows what the future holds?

Today in BBC Sport

The actual article isn't that interesting, but I love the picture. Apparently Jose and Sheva have decided to settle things through a stubble contest. First to a full beard gets to stay at Stamford Bridge.

...Hell, I'd like to see it.

Podcast pimping

A short conversation with Being Sven earlier this week reminded me that I've been meaning to post about soccer podcasts for a while now. Even though it's almost the end of the season, there's no time like the present. I listen to three sports podcasts on a regular basis -- I used to listen to World Soccer Daily, but it was just too much. I'm sure there's more out there that I should be listening to, and I'll have an hour drive time to my summer job, so if there's something that I have to start downloading, let me know in comments.

1. Football Weekly, from the Guardian (and the team who brings you the Fiver). This started out as the World Cup Daily podcast and then evolved into its current format. There's a rotating cast of commentators anchored by James Richardson, and honestly, this is the only one of these podcasts I want to go on longer. It focuses mostly on England, with James Richardson covering Italy and Sid Lowe (the best thing about this podcast) covering Spain. (And occasional dips into France, Germany, and South America.) If you like the Fiver, which everyone should, then this is basically the Fiver in audio format. This is my favorite of the podcasts. Highly recommended, and I'm sad they're going off the air for summer break.


2. ESPN Soccernet Extra. This one's more straight news than Football Weekly, and three times a week. It's also Premiership-focused, but a bit more wide-ranging in its coverage of other leagues; they've covered the Dutch and Australian leagues, and even MLS. I didn't love this one at first, but now the commentators are showing a bit more personality and getting used to the format, it seems. Quality stuff, and hopefully they'll continue to improve.


3. BBC Sportsweek. This one is the most hit-or-miss; since it's all sports, sometimes that means five minutes of soccer and forty-five of cricket or swimming or something else. However, the strength of this podcast is that they can get the big names to come on, and they don't hold back in interviewing them. It's pretty awesome to hear (for example) the new owner of West Ham called out. If this were entirely a soccer podcast, it would be incredible.

So, what else should I be listening to?

God has left the building

Aw. Bye, Robbie.

I wish I'd been a Liverpool fan back when he was in his prime; seeing highlights isn't quite the same thing. I guess if the fans call you God, you must be doing something right, though. I'm happy he was able to come back to Liverpool for a second time, especially since his exit the first time was so nasty. This was never going to be a long-term deal, though, and Liverpool really needs a fully fit, traditional striker next season (well, and for the past several seasons). It's sad to see him go, but hopefully he can indeed go out with a few more goals and a Champions League medal. I think everyone would like to see that.

Carolina Railhawks-Chivas USA

I might be in love with a USL team, y'all.

I mean, this was like their fourth game ever, so there's not a lot of history there, but they were pretty awesome. And by that I mean mostly they were adorable. (No, I don't know what a Railhawk is.) This was pretty clearly the Chivas B-team, in that I didn't recognize a single player's name, but it was really a good time. It was raining off and on all night, and it did my heart good to see all the slide-tackles and players going for it intensely. After the second goal, the players all came over to the fan section (the end behind the goal) and jumped up and hugged the people standing there, and it was so incredibly cute.

I realize that they're probably not actually going for cute, but too bad. In terms of play, it was pretty solid, but not that great; both teams had trouble keeping possession, but that may have been a factor of the wet field more than anything else. Mostly it was a good time. Since I'm here over the summer, I may try to go to a few more games. It's always hard for expansion teams at first, but they seem to have decent support already. The park wasn't sold out, but it got about 5,000 there, which is pretty good for a Tuesday night, I think. And for what it's worth, there's a fan section with flags and chants and a drum and all that; right now, that all seems a little bit forced to me, but maybe in a year or two it'll feel a bit more organic. Not that anyone besides me cares about that, really, but you know.

Anyway. In conclusion, it was a good time, I wish the Railhawks site had pictures, and I may try to get to a few more games this summer. Oh, tinies. I wish I had defenses against you.

More bad idea theater

Dear English Premier League:

YouTube is the best advertisement for your sport in several decades. Leave it alone.

Sincerely,
an American fan too poor for Fox Soccer

I can almost get trying to shut down the streams; that's the entire game, in real time, and a much bigger violation. But highlights? There are entire shows, both here and in England, based around sports highlights. If you want people to talk about your sport and your league? They need to be able to see what happened. If you want to control access, at least set up a channel like Chelsea did. Otherwise, have fun trying to enforce a million C&Ds and throwing away whatever goodwill you have.

(Slightly) more coherent thoughts on Liverpool/Chelsea

Liverpool 1 - Chelsea 0 (Liverpool advance on penalties, 4-1).

Like I said, slightly more coherent thoughts. It still hasn't sunk in that they've somehow managed to get past Chelsea again. (Though, really, every time John Terry cries after playing us, a little baby angel gets his wings.)

That wasn't the most outstanding game I've ever seen; if I were a neutral, it may even have been boring (and hell, as a fan, it got boring toward the end of regulation and extra time, when everyone kinda figured out that it was going to penalties). The thing that made this a good game to me was the tension. While this was a friendly rivalry early on, it's been three seasons now, and I don't think there's any doubt that these teams just do not like each other at all. It made for a really physical game, especially early on as they both found their feet a bit. I think the ref did a good job not calling too much and letting things sort of even out -- and it's nice to see someone not get fooled by Drogba's drama.

Speaking of Mr. Drogba, how about Liverpool's defense? It got a little frenetic at times, but starting with Pepe, everyone did a great job of shutting down the Chelsea attack; to be fair, Chelsea may have been hindered a bit by Shevchenko's groin injury (read: fit of pissiness) keeping him out of the side. However, considering how ineffective he's been recently, I think the bigger factor was that the defense figured out how to deal with Drogba better. Even before the goal I was glad to see that Rafa left Agger in the starting XI. He didn't have a good game last week (as I think everyone will admit), but keeping him in here seems to have boosted his confidence, and Carragher was once again a total fucking stud.

It's cleverly worded analysis like that that keeps y'all coming back, right?

Moving up the field, I was worried (and screeched again) when they started Zenden in midfield, but he had a decent game, and the first penalty was vital. So, well done. I still don't care for him, but well done. Mascherano had another solid game, and he and Steven combined to completely and totally shut down Lampard early on -- like, to the point where I didn't even remember that he was on the pitch. Not that I doubted the superiority of our midfield, but that was awesome. Lampard managed to get back into it later in the game, after Steven moved out right, but still. Deflected kicks and all, he can be a threat, but one that was neutralized effectively. (Also, Robben who?)

The attack wasn't as effective as I would have hoped. Kuyt had a couple of good chances and one very dubious offside call, but Crouch didn't do a whole lot and when Bellamy came on, he did even less. Whoever we meet in the final, we really need to work on the attack. I love Agger, but he's not a high-scoring defender, and a goal from open play would be nice, too.

So, there's definitely things to improve on -- I screeched more than I would've liked to, but we were never going to come out and run over Chelsea. Overall, though this wasn't the prettiest game I've ever seen, our penalty luck continues, and I will see all of you in Athens! (Where we hopefully won't need penalties.)

YNWA times 100

GET IN YOU REDS.

More coherence later tonight, probably. But right now all I can do is flail. I love you, boys.

CL Semis, Leg One

For once, I got to watch both of these live. And also for once, they were both decent games. In really different ways, obviously, but both worth taking a few hours away from studying to watch.

Man U 3 - Milan 2. By now, shouldn't Milan have figured out that they can't really take their foot off the gas in Europe? I hate to be the fan that's always bringing up the 2005 final, but here I am. Milan were really hurt by Gattuso's having to come off early in the second half due to injury -- and speaking of that, I think the Man U fans were booing because they thought he was faking it. If they know anything about Gattuso, they should have known that he's probably #1 on the list of Italians least likely to dive or fake it. But I guess not. Stay classy, kids. I also think taking Maldini off at the half was a bad decision; I know you have to be wary of his health, since he's, what, 400 now? But Milan looked so much weaker at the back when he left, so unless he was just unable to continue, I would have kept him in longer. Even though they lost this leg, I think Milan have the advantage going into the return this Wednesday. They just need a 1-0 to advance (or failing that, they just can't allow more than two goals). I know they've struggled some at home this season, but you'd think that their fans would come out for this one.

Chelsea 1 - Liverpool 0. This was also a decent game, though incredibly frustrating. All I really wanted from this was an away goal as a little bit of insurance going into the second leg, but no such luck. Cech's getting back to his pre-injury form incredibly fast, and Joe Cole picked just about the most annoying time to come back into the side. Liverpool couldn't really get anything together, maybe because of Rafa's confusing team selection -- I've started screeching unattractively every time Zenden's named as a starter, and I have yet to be proven wrong. Honestly, I don't have a good feeling about the return leg here; as much as I'd like to think the Anfield crowd will make a big difference, I think we've had too many games like this for Chelsea to be surprised or intimidated by the atmosphere anymore. (Seriously, playing each other 14 times in three seasons? It's ridiculous.) They may surprise me, and I hope they do, but right now, I'm not seeing it. Maybe playing the B-team (and Xabi) at the weekend will help, but I don't know. I'm having a hard time seeing this as anything but Chelsea making it through.

Speaking of that weekend game, it's time for Dudek to go. You can either complain about not getting starts anymore, or you can play like that when you do start. You can't do both. I realize it sucks to be effectively dropped after winning the Champions League, but that's the game.

In completely unrelated news, Arsenal Ladies are on course for a quadruple. While this sort of thing irritates me on the men's side, I'm just glad the women are having this kind of success, because they're adorable. If that makes me a hypocrite, so be it.

Hi to Being Sven! I always enjoy good Liverpool bloggers, especially ones who can cut it in the demanding Deadspin commentariat.

Linkpost due to finals

So, I got called out, and the last thing I want to do is disappoint my loyal, um, fan, so here we are. (In my defense, it's finals season here, and I've got my Ethics final tomorrow -- on my birthday! -- so I've been a little bit distracted.)

Here, a few things that have caught my eye:

• Four teams clinched their league titles this weekend. Yeah, but only one of those is a real league. I've never really understood people who try to claim that Holland or France (or hell, Scotland) are on the level of the traditional Big Four Leagues. They're not, and it makes you look goofy trying to claim they are.


• The draw for the Women's World Cup was announced. Unlike the men, the US women got a real Group of Death. I'll probably end up watching at least some of this -- once the Champions League ends, I don't have anything else to follow. Also, I've willingly watched MLS games, so this can only be a step up.


• First woman commentator on Match of the Day; sky fails to fall. I'd like to say that I don't see why this is a big deal, but it probably would be here, too. We'd just not be as open about it. Much like the Mike Newell thing.


• Effing Ronaldo won all the awards ever. Actually, I think this is deserved; he really came into his own this season, as annoying as it was. I just can't stand him and his smug little face. I realize that this is because I am a bitter Liverpool and England fan, but it doesn't change a damn thing. Ew.


• Oh, and also Liverpool secured a Champions League slot for next season. Well-done, boys. Now go beat Chelsea tomorrow and get to the final, and we'll forget all about what happened in the FA and Carling Cups. Deal?

CL quarters, day one

Okay, first of all, I know this has been linked absolutely everywhere (well, everywhere in the small section of the sports blogosphere that cares about MLS), but it's too hilarious not to share. A completely trashed Eric Wynalda, and his thoughts on the US team and MLS. It's absolutely brilliant, and um. He's not wrong about a lot of things. Though I'm not sure this interview will do a lot for his aspirations within US Soccer. Anyway.

I know there were Euro qualifiers, and I know Steven Gerrard scored goals like this, but I don't really care. It's sad to say that about England, since they're the reason I got into this sport, but god. Those were two dire games. I don't know if they're going to qualify for Euro 2008, but my instinct is that they will, since they've gotten most of the tough away fixtures out of the way. Based on the way they're playing at the moment, though, I don't know that I want them to. But I also don't think McClaren will be there when Euro rolls around, so hopefully some things can change. Because right now, I do not care about this team, and I don't like feeling like that.

Also recently, Liverpool killed Arsenal in the league, and proceeded to kill the team that knocked Arsenal out of the Champions League. I was just happy to see them not slip up here; I know PSV aren't nearly as good as they have been, but this is just the sort of game that Liverpool would lose a couple of seasons ago, so it was good to see this win. PSV were hurt by the injury to Alex, probably their best defender, and the underperformance of a couple of their other players. This wasn't Liverpool's best performance, but I think it's hard to have your "best performance" away in Europe these days, since away goals are so crucial and home teams go defensive. When you can still score three away goals, it's pretty awesome, though. (And I hate to admit when I'm wrong, but I'm coming around on Mascherano. If he can manage to keep the ball better than Sissoko does, I may be all the way sold.)

Speaking of crucial away goals, Munich got two of 'em against Milan yesterday. I only half-watched this match, so I don't have a lot to say about the quality of the play. I really have two things here: 1) I don't think Kaka dove (because Jesus would be mad at him), but that was the softest penalty call ever, and 2) man, Bayern's reserve keeper is pretty cute. Maybe I'm biased because I've been looking at Kahn in that uniform for so long, but um. Yeah. Milan missed a couple of absolute sitters here, one from Kaka and a few more from Gilardino, and really should have put this game away. I can't feel all that bad about it, though, since it gives both teams everything to play for in the second leg. With PSV needing to win by four clear goals to advance, at least Bayern/Milan will provide one competitive game next week.

Draws, celery, and girl-on-girl action.

Sorry, everyone. It's hard to pay much attention to this blog when Liverpool haven't played in a week and a half. Stupid FA Cup (and yes, that is my bitterness talking). I'm still planning to talk about the remaining Champions League round of 16 matches, but not right now. Instead, a couple of articles I've been meaning to talk about, while I watch my NCAA tournament bracket collapse even further. (Also, if I never hear about Hansbrough's facemask again, it will be too soon.)

• Getting rid of draws = bad idea. However, I don't know why the Guardian felt the need to throw in this little nugget:
  

  Just because the Americans can't get their heads round a non-result doesn't mean the rest of the world should fall in line. We should be proud of our superior tradition, just as we in Europe are proud of our wine, our cheese and our beer. Ever tasted any American cheese?

  I mean, I'm with him as far as the cheese and beer. But I know a lot of American soccer fans, and honestly? I think we've got more of a problem with diving than with draws. So maybe you want to work on that first, guys. The article doesn't talk about Americans besides that, and it doesn't seem like the no-draws idea in the League came from an American. In fact, Mr. Wilson, MLS has draws, and we seem to be just fine with that (to the extent we watch MLS). So in conclusion? Whatever.
  


• Chelsea sets up "celery hotline." Because Chelsea fans like to throw celery at the opposing team, it seems. I know this is a problem and all, but . . . it's celery. No matter what club you're talking about, this sentence will always be hilarious:

  The statement went on to direct fans to a hotline they could call to report others seen carrying celery, promising that "all calls will be treated in confidence".

  Just. It's celery. Rogue fans carrying celery into stadia is, I believe, inherently funny.
  


• And finally tonight, I think I prefer the England women's team to the men. I'd totally forgotten that it's a Women's World Cup year, probably because as little as they cover soccer over here, they cover women's soccer even less. I don't think I realized how ghettoized the sport is in Europe, though, till I read this article. You never hear about male footballers having to work another job to pay their bills, but even the women playing at the highest level have to have a day job. I can't imagine -- I can barely handle school on its own. This is what sealed my liking for them, though:

  Aluko, Asante and the 18-year-old Arsenal striker Lianne Sanderson sit watching a replay of a men's game, Arsenal v Manchester United, on TV. Hot topics for debate include Arsene Wenger's passing game; who they would rather go out with, Ronaldo or Wayne Rooney; and whether either of them is gay.

  I swear I've had that exact conversation. Several times.

At least now we know a little Portugese.

Mourinho calls ref "son of a whore," escapes FA punishment.

"If you listen to me speaking I say the kind of word you mention 10 times in every 15 words," [Mourinho] said. "If you have a microphone on the dugout, I say that during the game 20 times, easy. The word can be abusive if you understand it as an abusive word."

Um, I think most people would consider that abusive, sunshine. The insult isn't the funny part of this, really, just his insistence that it wasn't supposed to be offensive. Seems like there should be more of a difference in how you talk to your players and how you talk to the refs. But I guess that's why I'm not the Special One.

This cannot be accidental.

Wanke hoping to beat off stiff bribe penalty

Really, Soccernet? Y'all don't have anything better to do? Or you're entirely staffed by 12-year-olds. Either way, um, hee.

That just happened.

So, looking at Tuesday's Champions League games, wow, I have never been so happy to be wrong. I got exactly one of those matches right. (In my defense, I only picked Lyon because I liked their uniforms better.) I only got to see the Liverpool match, but that's not going to stop me from discussing all of them.

First, Roma/Lyon. I'm still amazed that Roma's no-strikers formation is working (if only Liverpool could pull that off). Also, didn't Lyon bring Houllier in to win the Champions League? Oops. I'm actually kind of happy to see Roma advance; while Serie A is a bit of a clusterfuck this season, Roma were consistently solid last season and are one of the few big clubs in Italy to have avoided the match-fixing scandal. I'm not a huge Totti fan, but it'll be interesting to see how Roma does in the quarters, since they haven't been in the Champions League for a few seasons now. (Also, how badly do Lyon have to perform in Europe before Tommy Smyth will stop calling them a dark horse team? Maybe two seasons ago, but not now, sunshine.)

And then there's Inter/Valencia. That link goes to video of the post-match fight, which seems to have been the only interesting thing about this one. A 0-0 draw, Valencia advance on away goals, and since I don't like Inter, I'm fine with it.

Before I start talking about Chelsea/Porto, I'd just like to say this: OH MY GOD MOURINHO GET OVER IT. Garcia's goal was over the line; but even if it weren't, what do you want them to do about it now? (And let's not forget Gudjohnsen' s miss in front of an open goal before we talk about why you didn't advance.) God, I really can't stand him. Anyway. This is the only tie I called correctly, but I didn't think Chelsea would make such a hard time of it. As useless as Ballack and Shevchenko have been in the Premiership this season, it's a little bit surprising to see them be actually worthwhile in this match, combining for the crucial second goal. I'm still not convinced Chelsea actually needed Ballack in the first place, but I guess if you're Abramovich, one goal in a knockout match is worth 120,000 pounds a week or whatever ridiculous amount they're paying him.

And last, Liverpool beat Barcelona on away goals. As you may have heard. I have to say, this game gave me a heart attack, just about. Especially in games like this, and especially after the Man U game Saturday (do not speak to me of John O'Shea), I'm never happy when we've got an advantage to defend. Honestly, with that Gudjohnsen goal, I thought it was all over. Considering we'd had our customary no-goals-to-15-shots, yeah. The last fifteen minutes of this match were the most tense I've been watching Liverpool since stoppage time in the Chelsea semifinal. I think we were the better team for the majority of the game -- even with Eto'o back for Barca, they were never really able to get him into the game. I forgot Messi was even on the field, so thoroughly did Arbeloa shut him down, and Ronaldinho doesn't look like even half the player he has been in the past. The BBC has all the details, up to and including possession statistics.

So, we did it. I still really can't believe it, but I'm happy. I hesitate to predict any further, because the team has been so incredibly inconsistent this season (or really, for the past couple seasons), but you know. This is good. Anything that gives Steven more opportunities to stick things down his shorts is very good indeed.

Coming up, post-mortem on Wednesday's matches, and at some point I may attempt to work through my PTSD after the Man U game. Who needs the Premiership anyway?