I thought it was paper-rock-scissors

This is not the most confidence-inspiring picture I've ever seen.

After that, they played Red Rover and then Steve gave them their morning snacks and they took a nap.

Sven hate and Carra the psychic

Materazzi has written a book about "what he might have said to prompt Zinedine Zidane to head butt him." The article only quotes a couple of the 249 (?!) responses. But, dude, if he had actually said "Since Foucault died, French philosophy has sucked," that would clearly have been the most awesome insult not only in the history of soccer, but in the history of the entire world. I might be giving Materazzi a bit too much credit, but come on. Soccer players talking philosophy? That's almost as funny as "Jamie Carragher, penalty specialist," SVEN.

And that leads nicely into my next topic, which is "England: the hell?" It's strange, because they didn't play all that badly, really, but they just could not get anything going up front. No matter what Rio or John Terry says, Wayne Rooney is completely in a slump at the moment, and Crouch hasn't been getting the games at Liverpool to be as sharp as they needed him to be, I think. Lampard still sucks (no surprise), and I totally think that Steven's hair (as seen here) has cursed him. He can't score, he keeps running inside instead of staying on the wing, and he gets questionable yellows that keep him out of crucial games. AWESOME. They just weren't gelling for some reason -- are we back to the old midfield issues? -- and that's bad news with Croatia on Wednesday. (Also note in that link: Jamie Carragher can kill you with his brain. And he will, too.)

I'm not even going to talk about Spain, really. Just, I know they're a team of choke artists, but don't you have to get to Euro 2008 before you can choke there? They're fifth in their group now, I think, but I guess that's what happens when you make Cesc Fabregas your midfield general -- I love him to pieces, but he's 19! -- and start three players I've never even heard of. It's not like they were playing San Marino; this was a need-to-win match. I don't get it. And I don't get the vote of confidence in Aragones, either. Meh.

Dear US Soccer: yes. A thousand times yes. Anything's better than Arena or Sven.

Matchday 2, goal #3.

Final proof -- Peter Crouch is 90% limbs.

It's about time, kids.

Jesus Christ, Xabi. Remember when I said I love the power shots from long range? Yeah, double that. Absolutely stunning.



And in larger terms, I'm so happy we've remembered how to score. It's hard to win games if you can't do that.

Tonight's TV.

Once In a Lifetime broadcast premiere tonight, 9:00 on ESPN2.

Here's a little more information about the movie. I remember wanting to see it when it came out this summer, but I don't think it ever came to my area. I have to say, I'm a big documentary nerd, and this looks really interesting (And got good reviews, too.) So, yeah, I'll definitely be watching that tonight. Along with the BBC documentary that's causing such a fuss these days. I have to say, I love a good scandal.

Bah!

Sven just keeps turning up like a bad penny. If he couldn't win the World Cup with all of England's talent, what do they expect him to do with the much less deep US squad? Besides call up high schoolers?

Sorry, I'm bitter right now. Something about losing to Chelsea and being 15th in the league will do that to you.

Thursday evening randomness

1. Yay Palermo! Nothing against West Ham, but I adopted Palermo over the summer as my new Serie A favorites, mostly because of their fashion-forward pink home kits. Well, that and the way that my previous team, Milan, are dirty cheaters and whiners. I needed a new team, and yeah. It's Palermo, so well-done to them, and yay for beating the newly Tevez-ified West Ham.

2. Sven thinks he could manage Arsenal, Man U, or Liverpool. Um. Has he noticed that none of them are looking for managers? And that he didn't exactly cover himself in glory at the World Cup? No? Okay, then. At least no one seems to be taking him seriously -- if he were likely to come to Liverpool and play Steven out of position there, I may actually cry.

3. I don't know how I haven't linked The Offside before this. Hilarious, and a prolific updater. Highly recommended.

4. As is The Beautiful Game. She's an Argentina fan, but no one's perfect, are they?

5. And your goal of the day. Tomas Rosicky. Beautiful -- I'm a sucker for the power shots from midfield. If y'all couldn't tell.

Defense: Try it.

First of all, Ashley Cole = all class. I gotta say, if I were playing with him at Chelsea, I would never say anything that I didn't want to see in the papers. Though I'm glad we finally got Pizzagate sorted. Because that's in no way trivial.

Second, we're not talking about the derby. I know I should, but honestly? I am so frustrated with Liverpool right now that I don't really have anything intelligent to say. At least we've won one of three, I suppose, but when your last Premiership clean sheet was April, something's not right. I really do question Rafa's team selections recently -- I mean, I love Riise and Carra as much as anyone, but when it's a derby and they're both still recovering from injuries? And you have Daniel Agger and Fabio Aurelio as cover? Yeah, I don't get it. I also don't understand why we bought all these wingers in the transfer window and now we're skittish about using them. I don't know what needs to happen for us to stop having problems at the back -- whatever it is, though, we need to get it together quick. Right now, our goal difference is -2. This isn't how you challenge Chelsea (or, hell, Man U or Everton) for the title. And speaking of that, man. I fear next Sunday, when we play Chelsea away. With Rafa in his current mood, my prediction is Xabi Alonso up front, Steven Gerrard in goal, Pepe Reina in midfield, and Crouch as a central defender.

Third, Liverpool's defense may be pretty shambolic at this point, but it's nothing to Real's. Seriously, I'm watching their Champions League game against Lyon, and wow. They're playing like my rec team, and we're 0-2 for the season.

Transfer window, part two: go away.

1. Cole to Chelsea, Gallas and five million to Arsenal.

2. Reyes to Real, at least for a year.

I'm very happy for all three of you. Now would you please 1) shut up and 2) go away? I feel like I've been hearing about these transfers since about 2003 -- and in Cole and Reyes' cases, that's not far off, really. It seems like there's always one or two really long and involved transfer dramas, usually involving Chelsea in some form or another. Last year it was Essien and (sort of) Steven. I say sort of because he ended up changing his mind -- a few times, really. But it still went on for what seemed like ages, and as interesting as it was at the beginning, by the end, I was so tired of every single person involved that I wanted them all to go away to one of Abramovich's islands (come on, he totally has islands) till about October so I wouldn't have to hear any more from them for a good long while.

And now that's exactly how I feel about Reyes, Cole, and Gallas. You're done for a while, boys. I don't want to hear anything else out of you until about March. (Man, wouldn't this be a better world if fans were really able to place players on time-out? You'd hear a lot less from Mourinho, that's for sure.)

Transfer window, part one

I'm sorry, I must still be sleeping. I could've sworn this article said Carlos Tevez was going to West Ham, though.

God, finally the transfer window gets interesting. It would be on the last day.

Stem cells? Yeah, that's not creepy.

Say whatever you want, I totally think Henry's breeding himself a race of superbabies.

Said babies will be able to score twenty goals in a season, in between bouts of pouting and shrugging all French-like.

New season what?

I am so happy that Daniel Agger is not dead. And that we've finally remembered how to win in the league. For one shining moment yesterday, we were above Chelsea and Arsenal in the standings, and I know it's early in the season, but I don't care. That's pretty awesome. As long as Liverpool doesn't start the season as badly as they did last year, I think they'll be in pretty good shape. Especially if Chelsea continues to try their interesting "playing with no defense" experiment.

And speaking of Chelsea, God must be a Barca fan, that's all I have to say. Which is fine with me. However, I'm not thrilled that God seems to be an AC Milan fan as well. I wonder if He missed the part over the summer where they're big dirty cheaters and shouldn't even be in the Champions League. I mean, seriously. My mom could make it out of that group. Though I guess Man U had a similarly easy group last season, and we all remember what happened then, don't we, Footie Girl? I'm really looking forward to this year's Champions League, since that whole Italian drama has opened the field to more teams from smaller countries, it seems. It should be interesting. As far as Liverpool's draw, I'm pretty happy, I suppose. PSV will be a challenge, but barring some disaster, it seems like we'll make it out of the group.

Changing the subject entirely, yay, Man City! Here's hoping more clubs follow suit.

Hi.

Oh God, y'all, I had no idea it'd been this long. Blame the start of the school year (yes, in August) and Liverpool's refusal to be consistently good for making me not want to write about them. I'm planning a longer update tonight, but for now, I just thought y'all might want to know that there's definitely no God.

5-0 is less fun from this side.

Oh my god, Liverpool. Allowing three goals in the last five minutes? That's not the way to set defensive records, boys. I know part of this is because Steve Finnan's out injured and Rafa's trying to give the new boys some experience, and give Dudek his once-a-season run out. (Does anyone know what happened to Daniel Agger, by the way? He hasn't played in any of the friendlies. Is he injured, too, or did they sell him and not tell anyone?) But still. Even with all that, this is not the best way to go into the Champions League qualifier. Which is, you know, WEDNESDAY. I'm just saying. You need to get it together, unless you want to prove Mourinho right. And really, do you want to live in that world? I don't.

Tour de Liverpool!

Carra looks almost as ready as I am for the new season to start. (Picture from Red and White Kop.)